CHEAP POPS PRO 4: THE SIX SHOOTER

TONY RUSSO PRESENTS

CHEAP POPS PRO

WRESTLING

LIVE FROM

DEAN AUSTINS

SIX SHOOTER

SALLOON

Pulling up to the bar hours before show time Tony steps out and his breath gives off a visual chill as he looks around.

TONY: what a shit hole. I can’t believe people go to a place like this

Walking inside it looks like a scene straight out of Roadhouse. Old wooden barstools and shells from peanuts that were probably months old. Every step had a grave like crunch to it as Tony looked around for the manager of the place.

BARTENDER: hey darlin seat yaself

TONY: I’m uh.. I’m Tony Russo. Tony Russos Cheap Pops Pro Wrestling. We’re holding the wrestling show in here tonight

As he looks around he notices there’s not too much space for a pro wrestling ring, let alone fans.

BARTENDER: Oh ya, the rasslin show. Head right through those doors to the rodeo.

‘The rodeo’ Tony asks himself. What the fuck? I mean he knew there was a rodeo that happens at midnight but he’s hoping they get done before that. Regardless Tony smiles to the woman and walks through getting side eyed by the Cowboys wondering why this asshole has on a wrinkly suit.

As he walks through the doors he looks around and notices the chill hit him again that he felt once he stepped outside of his car. There’s his wrestling ring in the middle of what looks like a cheap ass rodeo dirt pit. The seating is above the bullpens that surround the area and to be honest it smells like absolute bullshit. Literally. M

TONY: excuse me… who is in charge here?

A man wipes his hands off in his jeans and extends it to shake Tony’s hand

MAN: howdy, I’m Dean. You must be Tony Russo

Cautiously Tony shakes Deans hand then gets some sanitizer out and cleans his hands.

TONY: is there a uh… a roof? That like

His hands motion as if this place was a billion dollar football stadium with a retractable roof as Dean laughs.

DEAN: that must be city humor. No, sir. This is the saloon. We’re gon take good care of y’all in here tonight.

TONY: “IN” here? In here? This is outside?

The nice man looks around and smiles, clearly this bar is a combination of his life passion.

DEAN: great ain’t she?

TONY: …. son of a bitch.

DEAN: shouldn’t get too cold out here tho we got some space heaters.

Tony sarcastically smiles and turns around pretending to take a phonecall

TONY: …. son of a god damn bitch

H O U R S
L A T E R

Tony looks like he’s nursing a hangover as he sits in a chair rubbing his temples mumbling some self help mantra to himself. Suddenly he’s poked in his shoulder lightly, like enough to probably ignore. Except it becomes a rapid tap.

TONY: the show is through the doors and in the rodeo pit

He doesn’t even look up, why would he? He can’t look anyone in the eye and be proud of this show

? : T-T-Tony I

Tony looks up and sees it’s Bembe

TONY: Not now baybay, of all times just not right now.

BEMBE: D-d-do you know anything about th-th-thunder snow?

TONY: for fucks sake Baybay. It’s not even cold enough for thunder snow. It’s not even cold enough for regular snow. It’s just cold, okay? It’s fucking cold.

Bembe takes a second and walks over to the doors as music hits

BEMBE: but there are cl-c-cl-clouds though Tony

He slowly looks up at Bembe

TONY: there’s dark clouds over everything I do, Bembe.

Walking over Bembe pats Tony on the back and he aggressively moves and points at him

TONY: don’t you dare fucking touch me, Baybay

Hatchet and Ashley walk by Tony pointing at Bembe and Hatchet whispers ‘he really goin thru it right now’ before making his way to the ring.



In the middle of the ring there’s a table with two shot glasses, Tony has left it up to the participants to bring whatever they want to take shots of. Johnny comes in and pulls Jager out of a brown paper bag and slams it down on the table. A$hley hands Hatchet an unmarked bottle, but before she does she smells it and nearly pukes. It must be the prison moonshine Hatchet was talking about. How is that fair he’s going to be out in three shots MAX. Well, Hatchet smells it and it even gives him the shakes. He offers the referee to smell it and he politely declines.

So here we are, a fucking drinking match. It’s not shocking to say that the entire crowd in attendance is rooting for Johnny Dorn. Wrestling alignments aside, in a bar like this? Hatchet isn’t necessarily a favorite. If you catch my drift.

Hatchet tries to go first, but Johnny beats him to it. Jager went down easy. Of course it did, when the Cubs won the World Series Johnny was screaming for Jagerbombs every five minutes. Hatchet follows up with the first shot himself - which again gave him the willies. Back and forth they go with the two of them talking shit to each other and after about five or six rounds they’re both starting to show some apprehension towards the next drink. Johnny took a shot and then ASKED HATCHET TO SLAP HIM? What in the name of frat boy fuck is that strategy? Regardless Hatchet slaps him. Hatchet takes a shot and tells Johnny to try him now. So Johnny slaps him and the crowd LOVES IT. Almost too much.

After a couple rounds of slaps back and forth partnered with more alcohol, Johnny slaps the shot glasses off the table and starts drinking straight from the bottle. Hatchet picks his bottle up, and not to be outdone he throws the table across the ring and now the men are taking sips back and forth and slapping each other while standing in the middle of the ring. Johnny l’s bottle is nearly gone at this point, but he uses his last sip to SPIT IN THE FACE OF HATCHET?! What a piece of shit. Hatchet was stoic, he wiped the Jager off his face and took a sip from his bott- NO WAIT he smashes it over Johnny’s head and he’s busted wide open. Here we fucking go. Johnny is stumbling all over the ring, clearly intoxicated, but trying to find his feet. He tastes the alcohol from the moonsh- wait. Johnny turns to Hatchet and says “THAT WAS WAT-“ but before he can Hatchet hits the KTFO spinning back fist and Johnny is OUT.

H A T C H E T

G U L L Y

Hatchet stands over Johnny as people throw trash at the ring and the referee accuses Hatchet of cheating and drinking water but Hatchet tells that bitch to shut the fuck up. On their way out of the ring Hatchet and A$hley walk by Tony who is speechless at this point

TONY: ….did you? Was that?

Hatchet just puts his finger up to his lips and heads for the door before shit gets uglier.

Speaking of uglier, Babatunde walks up to Tony as the ring gets cleared and swept out. He asked about the mechanical Bull match coming up, and we’d type out the dialogue but if you’ve ever watched 90 Day Fiancé you’d know that people like Babatunde don’t always match up with the closed captioning. He asked Tony what happens when both of them ride the mechanical bulls so well that there’s no winner. And Tony grinned and promised him that they will figure something out.

A V E R I E

S T A R D U S T

V S

B A B A T U N D E

the mechanical bulls were somehow put into the ring and Tony gives the thumbs up for both of them to hop on up. Obviously at first it started out normal. The men were cheering and throwing dollar bills at Averie who had no issue on the bull. Meanwhile Babatunde was yawning and giving Tony. Thumbs up while waving at the crowd.

The difficulty increased slightly minute by minute and Tony saw people beginning to lose interest as he neared the hardest difficulty.

TONY: how high do these go?

Tony turns to the technician controlling the knobs

ENGINEER: I mean these aren’t professional bulls, this is a gimmick for chicks to ride when they’re drunk.

Tony scoffs and picks up the house microphone.

TONY: official…. official! Tie one hand behind their back. Do it, now.

As the fans started to migrate more towards the bar and merch tables where Jersey Jim’s daughter had on a low cut shirt and was selling her country CD - Tony got on the microphone again.

TONY: BOTH HANDS…. official tie both hands behind their back.

This seems sadistic, like a game from a Saw movie or Japanese game show. But they’re still doing fairly well as the mechanical Bull turns and bucks. Tony finally has had ENOUGH. He tells the technician to turn them down and while Averie sits still wondering what’s happening Tony reaches over and cranks both knobs up as we watch Baba and Averie both fly off of the bulls, but Babatunde hits the ring canvas first and Averie is declared the winner.

A V E R I E

S T A R D U S T

Averie laughs and picks up the dollar bills once her hands are untied, but Babatunde heads straight for Tony with revenge in his eyes. He told Tony something about how he wanted a wrestling match and he reached out to grab Tony by his tie but was quickly smashed in the back by a barstool?! What the hell.

TONY: I’d like for you to meet a kid I’ve known my whole life. Wrestling Royalty, TUT. Maybe next time you think it’s a good idea to put your hands on me you’ll think twice.

Averie runs over to Babatunde who is on the floor and she checks on him

AVERIE: what did you do?!

TONY: Me? ME?! You two nearly ruined my show.

AVERIE: you booked a girl who loves cows to ride a bull, what did you expect?

She’s helping Babatunde get up to his feet as he looks over at TUT

TONY: doesn’t matter what I expected, I have my insurance policy. Take care. Enjoy your pay.

The mechanical bulls are removed from the ring, and hopefully the gimmick shit is do- ugh here come the chicken cages. Here come the fucking chickens cages. It’s basically chicken wire that is going to line the ring like a cage.

Suddenly a bartender comes up to Tony and gives him a note. Right after he reads it he pinches the top of his nose. TUT looks over at Tony with an eyebrow raised

TONY: he’s … Zeke. He’s not coming. He left a fucking note that says IOU.

TUT starts walking to the ring and Tony stops him

TONY: n-n-no. No. Not tonight. I’m just going to have to call an audible.

He walks to the ring and grabs the house microphone in the way.

TONY: WHOSE THE TOUGHEST SON OF A BITCH IN HERE?!

Naturally like a bunch of boozed up hillbillies they all get fired up and hoot and holler. Tony points to a guy and waves him down

TONY: You! Yeah you with the lip full of skoal. Here’s your chance. Come on down here. C’mon!

The guy makes his way down next to Tony and he’s fired up.

TONY: what’s your name, kid?

INEVITABLE VICTIM: My names Cody! Central High Razorbacks! Six Shooter Savage!

The place goes apeshit. Everyone loves this guy.

TONY: Cody? Okay Cody. You wanna be a star kid? Jump on up into the ring. Yeah… go ahead! NOWS your moment.

Cody heads into the ring and Tony tried to find a place where he won’t have to watch this brutality. On his way towards the bar Conor bumps into him

CONOR:... I won’t be held responsible

There’s a weird gleam in his eye as he makes his way to the chicken cage ring. Yep. I said it.

C O N O R

M A Y F A I R

V S

 ' C O D Y '

Conor stood his ground in the middle of the ring and begged Cody to take the first shot. BEGGED him. So Cody took it and it actually busted Conors lip open. He wiped it and smiled and Conor exploded across the ring with strikes to a chorus of boos. He’s kicking the dudes leg off. He could barely stand and Conor couldn’t give less of a fuck. He took the dudes face and used the chicken wire like a cheese shredder. Ripping the dudes face wide open.

Meanwhile at the bar Tony opted to take an entire bottle of whiskey instead of repeatedly asking for another drink. He’s pouring himself a drink when a man walks up

TONY: not now Baybay it’s not going to fucking Thunder sto-

DEAN: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!

Tony turns to see that it’s Dean Austin again, the owner of six shooter.

TONY: Relax, I paid for it. I have the woman a great tip too, is she sin-

DEAN: I MEAN OUT IN THE RING WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU THINKKNG?!

He peaks over towards the door and hears the boos growing, which can only mean Conor is abusing their hometown hero. Wrestling booking 101, yall.

TONY: We had to uh, call an audible. Every good carny knows an audible 

DEAN: And did you just almost ask if my wife was single? What in the hell is your fucking problem?!

TONY: You a psychologist?

DEAN: No I’m a father. The father of the kid you got in there being beat three ways to Sunday

A big ‘oh fuck’ gulp goes down Tony’s throat as he slowly turns towards Dean.

TONY: is …. is he eighteen?

DEAN: he’s twenty one what does that have to do with anything?

The boos are growing and this time Tony can’t even look towards the door.

TONY: Well I’ll be avoiding jail.

DEAN: I’ll make sure you never work this town again. You got me?

TONY: No. please. Don’t.

The sarcasm bleeds through Tony’s plea.

Speaking of bleeding, Cody’s Walmart flannel is stained in his own blood and he beckons the boos of the fans until people started throwing beer bottles at the ring and Dean Austin stopped the match by dragging his son out of the ring.

So that was a cluster fuck.

Conor made sure to tell Tony that this kids blood is in the hands of Zeke Davis. At this point Tony couldn’t find the fucks to give. Hopefully he can’t find his keys later either because the man did some damage in that bottle of whiskey. After the ring is cleared up and for some reason Dean hadn’t kicked them out yet, bales of hay were put around the ring.

N A T Y

Z E N I G A T A

V S

B E M B E

B R I G H T W E L L

We’re not sure if it’s because Tony didn’t want to buy a ladder? But this match is going to see these two stacking bales of hay in order to reach the contra- contract? It’s actually a fucking post it note on a fishing pole. Bembe can’t help but look at the opening above him and the lack of roof, not to mention the fact that it’s fucking cold outside now. He and Naty both acknowledge that it’s cold, but when the bell rings they both scramble outside to pick up hay and slide it into the ring but when they get back in they notice each one of them has a bale and they throw them at each other. Bembe ducks, Naty does a matrix dodge. And we might have ourselves an actual wrestling match!

A tie up and headlock start by Naty led to Bembe using his speed to evade and some fancy footwork to use the ropes and hit a springboard twisting plancha to take charge of the momentum. Bembe stacked the two bales in the ring and looked up and I’m not sure why he thought that would be enough? But Naty drop kicked the bales and he fell face first. Naty sent Bembe off the ropes and he ducked a clothesline before she jumped up over him and on his way back he was hit with a dropkick that took him off his feet. Naty followed it up with some shoot kicks, but Bembe rolled outside to recover.

Naty took that as an opportunity to try and build some hay bales up, but this is going to take more than just stacking them - it’s almost like they have to make an entire fucking pyramid which is pretty annoying. Bembe crawls back into the ring and calls a … timeout? He looks like he’s trying to call a truce so that they can build the hay up first and then wrestle. Bembe even gets on the house microphone and asks the fans if they’ll help out him and Naty.

So for the next ten of fifteen minutes this fucking guy is listening to people in the crowd scream and point and tel him what to do like he’s bidding on the price is right. BUT. In the end he and Naty did have quite the pyramid built and remember when we said this was a wrestling match? Well it isn’t anymore. It turns into a hybrid of king of the mountain and that one American gladiator game.

They raced up the pyramid on Bembe count of 3 and they clawed and pushed each other back. At one point Bembe almost made it to the top, but Naty pulled his legs out from under him so he had no choice but to hit a sunset flipping powerbomb that takes both of them all the way back down to the bottom. It would be a lot like that sequence with each one of them taking advantage to throw the other one back down. Naty hit the sit out suplex slam Rasuto Oda and they were both down for quite some time. Naty was nearly at the top when Bembe climbed the top turnbuckle and leaped off landing right next to her. Kicks and punches nearly sending each other back down one more time. Naty loses footing and Slips down a couple levels. Bembe looks up he could make it…. he could gra- NO WHY

Bembe leaps off and hits a MOONSAULT! Both of them tumble to the bottom and to the outside of the ring. The fans are actually loving this shit and are throwing dollar bills again. What the fuck is with that anyways? Throwing dollar bills at honky tonk hillbilly rodeos?

You've never been to one?
Consider yourself lucky.

So anyways, neither one looks like they’ll be able to make it to the top. A small “NA-TY NA-TY” chant breaks out. She put her time in at Six Shooter recently and she’s obviously a fan favorite because of it. It’s almost like it willed her to life and she gets into the ring and starts to climb again. Bembe is slower to get up having taken a weird fall. He’s gunna try the turnbuckle again, Naty is climbing too quick to catch her. Bembe does the whole “father, son, Holy Spirit” gimmick across his head and shoulders before he springboards into the pyramid of hay BUT NO! IT gives out! Son of a bitch! Naty looks down as Bembe falls like Mufasa did and for a moment she looks down and considers checking on him. She’s a good person, she’s really struggling but then she looks up at the post it note hanging from a fishing pole and with one last surge she grabs it! SHE DID IT!

N A T Y

Z E N I G A T A

The Six Shooter staff is fired up. They fucking love it. Naty is exhausted, pulling doubles then climbing hay over and over just to fall again? She’s gunna be sore. So is Bembe, he prayed before he jumped which pretty much means gods not real because if anyone deserves a shot after what he’s been through it’s Bembe.


So as the staff have to clear the fucking ring one more time we’re waiting for our main eve- MAYBE WE DON'T HAVE TO WAIT AT ALL!

B E N

E V E R E S T

V S

‘ J E R S E Y ‘

J I M

L U Z Z A T T O

There’s commotion outside and people rush because they can only assume that all this booze and chew spit can only mean that two dudes decided to have their own wrestling match outside. But it was actually Jersey Jim and he had smashed a beer bottle over the head of Ben Everest and the two are fighting in the parking lot. Jim doesn’t even have on his ring gear, but for some reason he still has his weight lifting belt on with jeans. Ben is in zubaz and maybe they triggered Jersey Jim. Either way he’s got Ben in a headlock and uses him like a battering ram running him into car doors and side mirrors. Jim takes a head start looking to run Ben into a windshield but Ben uses his momentum and shoved him over the hood of the car.

We finally see Ben’s head and he’s busted wide open from the beer bottle shit but that doesn’t stop him from using the car as a launching pad and leaping into Jersey Jim BUT Jim catches him and hits a spine buster onto the hood. Jim tries to get some distance but instead opts to pick up some gravel and digs it into Bens cut. And to be honest for a guy who called Ben a deathmatch shit wrestler Jersey Jim sure can get hardcore.

The referee brings the rope out to Ben and Jim and Jim puts it around his wrist and the referee helps Ben but it’s a bit difficult as Jim slams the cowbell in the middle off of his forehead a couple times. The two take turns shoving each other into car after car and busting window after window. Tony would probably care but he’s going to end up drunker than Johnny Dorn was by the end of the bottle in his hand.

Ben finally gets the bull rope around his wrist, i don’t know why - they are nowhere near the four corners they have to touch in order to win. Regardless Jim tries to pull Ben towards him using the rope but Bens a stocky dude. He pulls Jom instead and drop toe holds him into a car door. Ben takes time to spit on Jersey Jim too and kick gravel on him like a car who just took a piss. They fight their way into the bar finally where Ben tosses Jim up and over the bar. They have another tug of war back and forth; this time Jim wins and pulls Ben up and onto the the bar and being the old school western fan that he is he uses Ben like a dish rag and drags him across the bar throwing him over the other side. Jim asks the bartender hiding in fear for a whiteclaw and he cracks it open and dumps it on Ben. The hillbillies loved that - theyre a “DIESELS ONLY” crowd.

Jim tries to pull Ben up and tug him in again but Ben reverses the momentum and throws his head into one of those “HOW HARD DO YOU PUNCH” gimmicks and Ben gets a high score using Jim’s head. More back and forth fighting brings them ringside where most of the hay has finally been removed. Jim grabs the bell on the rope again and tries to open the cut deeper on Ben with a quick bludgeoning before rolling him into the ring. Jim tries to end it quick slapping his hands on two turnbuckles but Ben pulls the old man in and hits a ln overhead suplex. Both of them try to get up but Ben refuses to give Jim a chance. He’s throwing headbutts like they’re forearms; using the bull rope to pull Jim in each time. They’ve rocked him a bit too, and he might’ve taken too long for the last headbutt because Jim got a boot up and they both fall down.

Jim is first up and he’s got two turnbuckles again, but on his way to the third Ben pulls him back and hits a butter fly ki-NO! Jim catches it and runs into the ropes dumping Ben outside to the apron. Jim wraps the bull rope around Bens neck and kicks his feet out from under him and as he’s flailing and kicking his face is turning purple.

Tony is ringside begging Jim to stop, he can’t do this. Not tonight. The fans fucking love it. They’ve seen Jersey Jim’s candid videos and know that he talks like them behind closed doors. So fuck it, hang the kid in the zubaz.

Jim let’s go and Ben falls to the outside trying to get his breath back. Jim tried to walk to a turnbuckle, but Ben being outside doesn’t leave him enough rope. So Jim is pissed, he’s fired up brother, he heads outside but Ben slides into the ring quickly and pulls the rope towards the corner where Jim’s head bounces off the post and now he’s busted open but Ben can’t move now. Each man has become an inconvenience to the other. Ben uses this to his advantage and pulls Jersey Jim into the post over and over again to the point where it looks like a mugging. Jim is down, now all Ben has to do is roll him into the ring and as Ben parades around the ring he has a middle finger for Jim as he slaps each turnbuckle.

One. Middle finger

Second one? Middle finger.

The third one he gave the double bird salute

And for the fourth one he turned around and told Jim to kiss his a-LOW BLOW! LOW BLOW! JERSEY JIM HIT A LOW BLOW?!

Ben drops to his knees and Jim takes his weight belt off and with each whip it becomes increasingly more uncomfortable to watch Ben writhe in pain. The pink and red welts rising on his back. Jim takes his jolly old time slapping each turnbuckle four times and that’s how this is going to end.

With a kick to the fucking balls. Both literally and metaphorically. Ben Everest had it, it was right there, but he fucking hates Jim so much he had to make it hurt more.

Shameful. Embarrassing display by Jim and Morretti is celebrating like Jim won the championship already. He’s got his mega horn out while 50 year old white trash women want Jim to sign their fake tits and brother he does. Little sharpie little blood.

No doubt the bill won’t be small for this one either; after all he’s probably paying hospital bills. Either way, you what your can to get Cheap Pops.