Post by Jersey Jim Luzzatto on Jan 23, 2021 13:48:24 GMT
“Jersey” Jim Luzzatto crawls, bleeding all over Tupelo as the 450-pound Sabretooth wraps a bull rope around his neck. Fans urgently scream for Jim – a sound that travels from 1995 and lights a flame within him in 2021.
“The rope burns on my neck, that cowbell clunk busting me open, Sabretooth pounding on me all night...” Luzzatto grits his teeth. Memories wash over him from the television monitor on Joey Moretti's desk. He slowly crumples the soda can in his hand. “It all led to this – me on my knees, soaked in blood, well beat. I can still see the desperate faces around me, brother. I finally found a monster too big and bad to overcome. The World Heavyweight Championship was about to change hands. Or so everyone thought...”
We relive the dramatic comeback with Luzzatto. He pumps his fists and even lets out an exuberant yell when his younger self drives Sabretooth to the canvas with the Running Powerslam. “Yes!” Luzzatto screams with each turnbuckle tap from his past self – the decisive fourth one triggering him to bolt from his chair. He jubilantly throws his can at the wall.
“Jimmy, baby!” Moretti is shocked and irate. “What's gotten into you?!”
The fans are going wild on TV. A bloody Luzzatto parades the big gold belt over his head.
In 2021, a wide-eyed Luzzatto paces around the office of his longtime manager.
“I've been here before!” Luzzatto's laughter is unhinged. “Some bruising young punk thinks they can be the one to end 'Jersey' Jim Luzzatto! And once again, it's a Texas Bull Rope Match!”
Moretti looks unsettled watching Luzzatto work himself up like this. The Newark native is deranged!
“Ben Everest!” Luzzatto lets out a primal scream while tearing his t-shirt down the middle! The gut flops out! The indignation is so great that he doesn't even care! Luzzatto throws the shirt down! “You ruined my Arm Wrestling Invitational! You tainted my arm wrestling record with your shenanigans! You wanna use the name of 'Jersey' Jim Luzzatto to elevate yourself to the top of this business?! You think you can go through me to get the CPPW Championship?! You're making the biggest mistake of your life, brother!”
Luzzatto's right eye twitches.
“Do you really understand the Texas Bull Rope Match?” His body shakes. He can barely contain himself while lowering his voice. “Goofs like you go through deathmatches like your single moms go through clients on the street. You think it's just another match to do your outlaw garbage spots. Gonna come and get your shit in, right? It's all the same isn't it?” Luzzatto's voice suddenly thunders! “No, brother! Not this one!”
“Tell 'em what you're gonna do, Jimmy baby!”
“There's no referee, Ben Everest! Just me and you joined together by a bull rope! And I'm gonna hit ya, slam ya, beat ya with the cowbell 'til you're bloody, and choke your ass with that rope! I'm gonna drag ya all over Dean Austin's Six Shooter Saloon! I'm gonna throw back some Jack and get a White Claw for you to sip on in your little pink Zubaz! It's gonna be the last thing you enjoy before I finally get tired of ripping you apart and I slap those turnbuckles like I slapped your mommy's ass in that Jersey City hotel room back in the day!”
“Oh Benny boy!” Moretti's jumping up and down behind his desk. “Daddy's teaching you a lesson at Cheap Pops Volume 4!”
“And when you're sitting in the back, Ben – wiping off the blood, looking at those rope burns, wondering what hit ya – know this! I've done this many times before! I'm gonna do it many, many more times! I survived this long 'cuz I'm willing to do whatever it takes to win! I got no remorse! You went hunting for the big tiger in the jungle! Now the tiger feasts and nobody – no referee, not Tony Russo, not even the US military – can stop me! They ain't gonna stop me from mauling you! They ain't stopping me from becoming the CPPW Champion and carrying this company! You can't stop a force of nature and this is my Indian Summer, brother! At Cheap Pops Volume 4, Ben, you and all these other young punks are gonna see why 'Jersey' Jim is foreverrrrrr!”
Jim sucks in his gut and holds a double bicep pose as we fade out.
“The rope burns on my neck, that cowbell clunk busting me open, Sabretooth pounding on me all night...” Luzzatto grits his teeth. Memories wash over him from the television monitor on Joey Moretti's desk. He slowly crumples the soda can in his hand. “It all led to this – me on my knees, soaked in blood, well beat. I can still see the desperate faces around me, brother. I finally found a monster too big and bad to overcome. The World Heavyweight Championship was about to change hands. Or so everyone thought...”
We relive the dramatic comeback with Luzzatto. He pumps his fists and even lets out an exuberant yell when his younger self drives Sabretooth to the canvas with the Running Powerslam. “Yes!” Luzzatto screams with each turnbuckle tap from his past self – the decisive fourth one triggering him to bolt from his chair. He jubilantly throws his can at the wall.
“Jimmy, baby!” Moretti is shocked and irate. “What's gotten into you?!”
The fans are going wild on TV. A bloody Luzzatto parades the big gold belt over his head.
In 2021, a wide-eyed Luzzatto paces around the office of his longtime manager.
“I've been here before!” Luzzatto's laughter is unhinged. “Some bruising young punk thinks they can be the one to end 'Jersey' Jim Luzzatto! And once again, it's a Texas Bull Rope Match!”
Moretti looks unsettled watching Luzzatto work himself up like this. The Newark native is deranged!
“Ben Everest!” Luzzatto lets out a primal scream while tearing his t-shirt down the middle! The gut flops out! The indignation is so great that he doesn't even care! Luzzatto throws the shirt down! “You ruined my Arm Wrestling Invitational! You tainted my arm wrestling record with your shenanigans! You wanna use the name of 'Jersey' Jim Luzzatto to elevate yourself to the top of this business?! You think you can go through me to get the CPPW Championship?! You're making the biggest mistake of your life, brother!”
Luzzatto's right eye twitches.
“Do you really understand the Texas Bull Rope Match?” His body shakes. He can barely contain himself while lowering his voice. “Goofs like you go through deathmatches like your single moms go through clients on the street. You think it's just another match to do your outlaw garbage spots. Gonna come and get your shit in, right? It's all the same isn't it?” Luzzatto's voice suddenly thunders! “No, brother! Not this one!”
“Tell 'em what you're gonna do, Jimmy baby!”
“There's no referee, Ben Everest! Just me and you joined together by a bull rope! And I'm gonna hit ya, slam ya, beat ya with the cowbell 'til you're bloody, and choke your ass with that rope! I'm gonna drag ya all over Dean Austin's Six Shooter Saloon! I'm gonna throw back some Jack and get a White Claw for you to sip on in your little pink Zubaz! It's gonna be the last thing you enjoy before I finally get tired of ripping you apart and I slap those turnbuckles like I slapped your mommy's ass in that Jersey City hotel room back in the day!”
“Oh Benny boy!” Moretti's jumping up and down behind his desk. “Daddy's teaching you a lesson at Cheap Pops Volume 4!”
“And when you're sitting in the back, Ben – wiping off the blood, looking at those rope burns, wondering what hit ya – know this! I've done this many times before! I'm gonna do it many, many more times! I survived this long 'cuz I'm willing to do whatever it takes to win! I got no remorse! You went hunting for the big tiger in the jungle! Now the tiger feasts and nobody – no referee, not Tony Russo, not even the US military – can stop me! They ain't gonna stop me from mauling you! They ain't stopping me from becoming the CPPW Champion and carrying this company! You can't stop a force of nature and this is my Indian Summer, brother! At Cheap Pops Volume 4, Ben, you and all these other young punks are gonna see why 'Jersey' Jim is foreverrrrrr!”
Jim sucks in his gut and holds a double bicep pose as we fade out.