CHEAP POPS PRO 2: SPOOKY SZN

For the better part of the last ten days Tony Russo hasn’t been sleeping. He hasn’t been eating. He’s been too busy looking over his shoulder and being scared of his own shadow. All the while being extremely intoxicated. So intoxicated that when he went to pick up costumes for his kids at the Spirot Halloween store that he managed to secure a deal for them to wrestle there. Well, kind of.

You see Tony was drunk, and when he made the deal he said that they could wrestle inside the Halloween store, but obviously there’s
Going to be very little room inside. And he actually only spoke to someone at the cash register, a twenty something burn out, who thought the idea sounded great. Tommy shook his hand walking out with a kids buzz light year costume and a Jesse the cowgirl costume for his daughter.

So you can imagine the surprise on the day of Halloween, which is practically Black Friday for these pop up Halloween stores, when Tony backed his box truck up to the front door and started speaking Spanish to the guys who hopped out of the passenger seat and the back of the truck as they unloaded the ring into the store. Most people just went along with it, nobody really asked any questions. The security guard did have a couple questions for Tony as he hopped out of the driver side with a paper bag that had a bottle leaking out the top. Tony blew him off and said “I back the blue” which apparently he thinks clears him of drunk driving?

After about fifteen minutes, the time of a usual smoke break, a middle aged woman approaches the middle of the store where the men that Tony picked up at Lowes are setting up the ring

WOMAN: Um. Excuse me? Excuse me?! Hello

She’s snapping her fingers in their faces and they wave back

MEN (IN UNISON): Hola!

TONY: Hi. Hey. Can I help you?

WOMAN: wh- what is going on here? What is this?

TONY: Tony’s Cheap Pops, the SPOOKYSZN show? I set this up two weeks ago.

WOMAN: ….set what up? What’s spooky season?

TONY: the …. wrestling show I set up? One of those you scratch our back we scratch yours deal, hon

WOMAN: k. Don’t call me hon. And second of all why would we do a wrestling show in the middle of the store? It’s Halloween? This is our business day of the Halloween season.

TONY: … I know, you’re welcome.

WOMAN: What? No. Not because of y- okay you know what I’m calling the police.

TONY: that’s fine I back the blue

They have a moment where they look at each other, her disgusted and confused and Tony just smiling with an ignorant confidence

TONY: listen, I put this together with Kaden.

WOMAN: ...who?

TONY: maybe it was Aden?

She’s just shaking her head

TONY: Braden? Brandon? Brad? Scott?

WOMAN: Scott?

TONY: Steven ….

WOMAN: Steven…. who?

TONY:.... Goldb-

She’s shaking her head still

TONY: Silver….stein…

the woman’s head retreats from an offensive stance and she now looks welcoming to Tony.

WOMAN: well, of Scott says it was okay then I guess you can set up here…. just try not to break anything?

Wiping sweat away from his head, Tony smiles and gives her a thumbs up as she walks away.

TONY: I knew a Jewish guy ran this place…. so they even celebrate Hallow- I’ll just ask Alan.

G E T 

S P O O K Y 

Fast forward a bit and the wrestling ring is set up like something you’d see on a sitcom. There’s racks of Halloween costumes leaving a wall between the fans and the customers. The entrance is actually lined with those motion detecting jump scare electronic Halloween machines and the talent will be coming out of a black curtain. Based on the simple fact that Tony has no business doing a show in here, this isn’t a bad set up. It seems to be Tony’s cup of tea. Making chicken salad out of chicken shit.

Z E N I G A T A 

V S 

N O E L L E 

L A U R E N T 

Naty was pleasantly surprised by the jump scare tactics of the Halloween machines. Noelle was unphased, she couldn’t care less. She did look out into the audience and see Tony’s daughter giving her a wink as she sat next to her brother with his face buried into his Nintendo Switch. The two start off cautious feeling each other out but Naty starts shooting kicks aggressively to the legs of Noelle causing her to look for a rope break. This is Naty’s plan going forward, as Noelle comes out looking for a tie up she eats leg kicks again. The last one takes Noelle to a knee and Naty throws a knee and tries a quick cover but only gets a 2 count. Naty takes control on the ground and for a lack of better terms begins pummeling Noelle until she finds a way out of the ring.

Naty doesn’t want to let up the attack, like a kid who refuses to turn in before trick or treat curfew. She heads through the ropes to the apron, but Noelle sweeps her legs out from under her. Now Noelle takes the upperhand throwing Naty back first into the apron. Noelle controls the match for quite some time from there planting Naty with a jumping spike ddt with a near fall of her own. Noelle refuses to let the momentum go, a s ap ocean drop sets up her Last Chancery and as Tony’s daughter claps and cheers on her chaperone Tony’s son finally looks up and locks eyes with Naty who is struggling but something about the worry in his eyes made her fight for the rope break. Noelle drags Naty to the middle of the ring by her hair but Naty pops up and full sends off the ropes before blasting Noelle with a Yakuza Kick!

Both women are down on the mat as they struggle to get to their feet using the ropes, but Noelle erupts with a spinning discus forear-WAIT Naty ducks and boots her in the stomach. She hits the Boido Ni cradle ddt and gets the pinfall!

N A T Y 

Z E N I G A T A 

Naty can’t believe it! She pulled it out at the last second! Noelle is livid! Before Naty gets her hand raised Noelle attacks her from behind hitting a reverse cutter for good measure and Naty has to get helped out of the ring.

Away from the ring Tony is pushing a shopping cart down an aisle, and much like a kid in a movie who has a blank check, he’s taking his arm and clean sweeping the bags of candy right in. His cart stops at the foot of the woman he previously encountered in the front of the store.

Her lips purse together as she raises her eyebrows above her glasses.

WOMAN: ….they’ve never heard of you.

TONY: Well, were a small regional thing it’s only the second show I understand

She shakes her head

WOMAN: No, corporate. They’ve never heard of you.

Tony gulps dramatically and his usual defensive ‘fuck off’ demeanor softens and he raises his hands in surrender

TONY: Listen… were already here. We’re already set up…

She waves her hands angrilensilencing Tony

WOMAN: I don’t care I-I don’t… I don’t care.

They’re both silent

WOMAN: look. I barely make minimum wage to babysit stoners, high school dropouts, and the occasional goth kid who thinks this is costume class prep. Do whatever you want… this store won’t be around for much longer anyways now that Halloween is over.

TONY: ...so… th-thank you?

WOMAN: you break it you buy it…

Tony nods and gives her the ‘ok’ hand sign as she walks away annoyed. He continues walking down the aisle collecting more candy for the main event without a care in the wor- oh fuck is that Santana with a CLEAVER?! He runs it across his throa- wait a minute it’s a plastic cleaver. Russo realizes it

TONY: Oh, I thought that was real…

He’s trying to be cordial, but Santana drops the prop and reaches into his back pocket

SANTANA: NAW BUT I GOT THIS FORK IN THE BREAKROOM CHEAP POPS TONY RUSSO

Tony runs this time, well wobbles quickly away. Santana takes the cart of candy and pushes it down the aisle

SANTANA: JUST LIKE WHEN I WAS KID, ROBBIN NERDS FOR CANDY

S T A R D U S T 

V S 

J O H N N Y 

D O R N 

Averie came out and for a moment she couldn’t understand why everyone was booong her? Like seriously? She’s lovable and always smili- wait. They’re MOOING. They’re mooing her, oh my gosh what has she done. Her confused look turns to a smile when she sees a kid dressed as a cow mooing, now she gets it. And then there’s Johnny, his costume was …. well it was a costume. One of the workers who snuck in between the racks of costumes to get a peek at the show noticed it still had a ‘Halloween Express’ tag on it. Not gunna go over well.

When the bell rang, Johnny simply walked to the middle of the ring and shrugged his shoulders pointing to the part of the costume that suggests you wrap your mouth around it and blow on it. Did we forget to mention he has an adult themed breathalyzer costume? Yeah. He does. Averie is grossed out but Johnny swears she’s playing hard to get. In fact Johnny might be a little drunk himself? Averie pretended to field goal kick in in his breathalyzer but SHES a good human being and stopped - it was a trick! No treat though because Averie hit a bicycle knee and through the element of surprise she takes control from there.

Averie showcases her surprisingly flawless technical wrestling ability. Not that women can’t professionally wrestle, but like, ones that obsess over animals are usually a bit off. Controlling Johnny with a wrist lock and multiple transitions that have him dizzy. Could be that or the diesels he shotgunned while he was tailgating the show. His only hope is to pull her by the hair and yank her to the ground. He proceeds with an aggressive stomping and eventually mounts her and throws punches and elbows trying to bully her like he does most of his gi- lets leave that one alone. Johnny tries to finish it quick measuring up for a superkick, but Averie ducks and has a bicycle kick for Johnny’s jaw that lands flush for a two count.

After he gets to his feet Johnny retreated into the corner which could have been the worst possible place for him because Averie hit multiple sprinting forearms leaving him dazed he falls flat to the mat seeing stars and Averie pumps the crowd up before hitting her tilt a whirl headscissors takedown with more rotations than usual. Johnny finds himself in the corner again, and we’ve seen Averie end a match here before. She walks over to Johnny who turns towards her and DID HE JUST FUCKING VOMIT?! OH MY GOD. He just puked on Averie! She’s grossed out, nobody can believe i- SHOT OF MALÖRT ace crusher! What the hell?! Johnny got the three count!

J O H N N Y 

D O R N 

Johnny is laughing his ass off as he gets his hand raised, but as he leaves the ring he holds up a plastic bag of fake puke?

WOMAN: where’d he get that costume at?

She’s back again. And now she’s hassling Tony who is jarred by the fact that she continues to pop up everywhere he seems to be. It might also have to do with the fact that Tony is still shaken from the Santana experience

TONY: um… here probably? Like everyone else… how did you get her-

WOMAN: we don’t sell costumes like that…. amd we certainly don’t sell fake vomit. But I know that halloween express does…. are you staging a coup here Mr. Russo?

TONY: no…. no ma’am … I’m sure he…. sunuvabitch

He mumbles to himself and storms his way to Johnny who is still holding his hands, and the fake vomit bag, up in the air as he walks by the motion sensor machines. Each one of them scares Tony as he notices a tag still hanging on the costume and rips it off before stealing the bag of fake vomit and shoving Johnny back through the black curtain.

Tony was fuming. And ready to tear Johnny a new one, but something else caught his eye as the talent prepared for the next match. Bembe was wearing the condom costume again and suddenly Johnny wasn’t public enemy number one.

TONY: Baybay

BEMBE: it’s Bem-

TONY: take that fucking costume off you masked mongoloid I told you not to wear that

BEMBE: I-I

TONY: take it off, you already wear a mask people will think you’re a…

He examines him up and down trying to come up with a name for what exactly it is that he looks like and instead just gives him a thumbs up and walks away

C H A L L E N G E 

Bembe came out first and he wasn’t wearing a costume, it’s probably for the best considering Tony is already on the verge of having a heart attack. He seems to be in good spirits considering he is up against a borderline impossible feat of throwing Legend Jersey Jim over the top rope. Speaking of Jim, his costume was more of a political statement than anything. At first glance? He looked like this one wrestler from the 80s they used to call the Nationalist, a patriotic masked wrestler, but he was wearing a shirt that said Make Wrestling Great Again and of course he’d never wear a mask.

When the bell rang Bembe ran full force at Jim in the middle of the ring but practically bounced off of him and fell. Jim gave the crowd a photographic flex and Bembe used the ropes this time to run at him and try a cross bod- nope. He bounced off again. Jim put his hands on his sides and flexed his chest, which honestly looked more like sticking his gut out. But tomayto tomahto. Bembes third attempt was met with a big boot for his troubles and a loud laugh from Jim.

In an effort to even it out a little Jim holds his hands up challenging Bembe with a test of strength. To be honest we’re not quite sure why Bembe would agree to this, but he did. And in one of the most predictable things in the history of the sport Jim crushed Bembe like a bug. Jim asks the fans for some cheers as he cups his ear and leans against the ropes which only got a smattering of applause. Jim asks each side of the ring for a little noise with the ear cup move but he leans against the ropes for the last one and Bembe scurries over to try and lift Jim up to eliminate him and Jim nearly loses his balance before fighting Bembe off.

Welp, now he’s pissed. He’s screaming ‘industry lingo’ at Bembe like mark, jobber, curtain jerker, etc. It’s almost like he’s trying to hurt Bembes feelings, but Bembe isn’t having it. He drop kicks Jim’s knee thats been surgically repaired like four times. He follows it up with kicks to the surgically repaired hips and waits for Jim to stand up again which takes quite some time considering he already moves around like the tin man before they met the wizard. Bembe hits a leaping bulldog on Jim from the top rope and now comes the hard part. He’s trying to get Jim to his feet and drag him over towards the ropes, but Jim reaches up and twists Bembes mask leaving his eye sight impaired and Jim then easily tosses Bembe over the top rope

‘ J E R S E Y ‘

J I M 

L U Z Z A T T O

Instead of trying to fix his mask, Bembe panics and runs around ringside stumbling into everyone and spilling drinks and popcorn everywhere. What a bumbling fool. Jim finally finishes flexing inside the ring and you know da well he’s marching backstage for his payout right now.

Tony is a little preoccupied backstage as his kids have managed to find themselves bored with all the wrestling and are now eating the Halloween candy that was on the shelves.

TONY: that’s coming out of your allowance, I want you to know that

DAUGHTER: you don’t even give us an allowance

SON: yeah, dad. Besides you said there would be food here

TONY: I’ll Uber eats something just stop eating the cand-

There he is again. Like the Angel of death. Santana walks by with the same shopping cart full of candy that Tony once had.

DAUGHTER: oh my god finally some chocolate

Tony’s daughter approaches the cart, but Santana steps in front of her

SANTANA: YALL DON'T WANT NUNNA THIS CANDY LITTLE FEMALE RUSSO THIS SPECIAL MAIN EVENT CANDY FOR THE COFFIN MATCH

she looks confused, she definitely does. She was sick of eating off brand starburst. Santana looks up at Tony and smiles

TONY: oh...oh my god… kids… c’mon let’s go… you don’t um… you don’t want any of this c’mon… I’ll order pizza

Russo ushers his kids away as Santana smiles and continues pushing the cart away

M A Y F A I R 

V S 

H A T C H E T 

G U L L Y 

While it seems like everyone else so far has played along during this event in the SPIRIT of HALLOWEEN…. these two don’t seem to be in the mood. Conor comes out and it looks like he wants to burn the fucking building down honestly. Hatchet? He has a calm, yet threatening demeanor walking out from behind the curtain with his eyes locked on Conor the entire time.

Before the bell could even ring these two set the mood going face to face, and the moment they heard the ding these two started throwing forearms like savages. Conor eventually switches to kicks which catches Hatchet off guard but when he gets backed into the ropes he takes Conors eyes and suplexes him into the corner and tries a pin but only gets a 1 count. Conor escapes to catch his breath but Hatchet follows, refusing to let him get a break. Conor baited him, he slides back into the ring and when Hatchet follows, Conor stomps him into oblivion. Following up the switch in momentum Conor delivers suplexes of his own and even gives Hatchet a taste of his own medicine with a twist German suplexing him into the corner. Hatchet landed awkwardly and Conor got a 2 count.

He never lets up continuing to slap the head of Hatchet and lifts him to his feet for more suplexes it seems, Hatchet blocks those and fights out with an elbow before going off the ropes and hitting a running knee. Conor can’t manage to find his feet long enough as Hatchet keeps hitting the ropes and blasting Conor with a knee like a video game. A sit out face buster looked like it was going to finish off the sequence but Conor pulls out and Hatchet is vulnerable eating a basement dropkick and another near fall. Hatchet sits up again and Conor tries to get a running boot but Hatchet lays flat before kipping up and being there to catch Conor with a spine buster and his own near fall.

Both men, starting this contest out with a sprint, have finally slowed as they each use the ropes to get to their feet Hatchet immediately goes for the spinning back fist, but the KTFO misses and Conor hits a pele kick putting Hatchet down. Conor fights the cobwebs and climbs to the top rope looking to double stomp Hatchet and bury him into the ma-WAIT Hatchet kips up and dives for the ropes leaving Conors groin racked on the top rope. Hatchet grabs Conor from the top and hits the Outlaw Muscle Buster in the middle of the ring for the three count and the w- NO! WAIT Noelle pulls the referee out of the ring! The worst part is she tries to pretend like she didn’t do it and even flirts with the referee who slides back into the ring. Hatchet is can't believe it, hes pissed. He lifts Conor up to his feet and grabs his head slowly turning him for the Hidden Path to Shangri-La hangman’s neck break- NO. Conor kicks back with a low blow and lifts Hsrchet in in his shoulders and hits the Devil V Trigger! Conor covers him and gets the three count vict- OH HERE WE GO AGAIN. Now A$hley pulls the referee out of the ring!

Conor can’t believe it now. How could the exact thing he had Noelle do backfire and work against him? Neither Noelle or A$hley were ringside at the beginning of the match and now they’ve made a huge impact. Conor doesn’t have time to figure it out, Hatchet rolls him into a school boy but Conor rolls through and hits a sickening knee to the jaw of Hatchet before quickly scaling the ropes and leaping off with the Devil May Cry double stom-NO! Hatchet moves and Conor staggers holding his knee amd hatchet hits the spinning back fist! KTFO! Conor crumbles to the mat and Hatchet covers him for the pinfall and the win!

H A T C H E T 

G U L L Y 

A$hley was watching Noelle closely like a predator daring her to try and interrupt that three count, but she immediately rushes into the ring and pushes the referee aside to raise Hatchet’s hand. Noelle tends to Conor helping him get out of the ring as they disappear behind the curtains.

The fans loved the match, and even though Hatchet couldn’t give less of a fuck? The fans don’t mind him either. The fans do fall silent as a coffin is wheeled out and put next to the ring as the smoke machines surround it and go off creating the mystique of a third grade science project volcano.

Tony gets in the ring and on the microphone

TONY: ladies and gentleman my name is Tony Russo and I would like to thank Steven B Silverstein and the very kind manager for hosting this Spooky SZN show. Before this main event I’d like to give everyone a fair warning. I am not legally responsible for anything that these two men do to each other…

The ‘cheap pop’ Tony got from the fans dissipates as he nervously talks into the microphone

TONY: I mean, sure it’s my show, but it’s important to remember that spirit Halloween is the actual host of this show and legally owns this building.. thank you everyone please enjoy the main event.

He looked out into the audience and saw the Spirit Halloween store staff flanking their manager in the distance. The manager looks at her staff and nods to them as they disappear behind the costume racks that Tony has set up to separate the action from the retail store happenings going on outside.


If there were two dudes you’d want to compete in something like this it would probably be Ben and Santana. I don’t know if that’s a knock on their character or talent, so you be the judge. Either way, Ben barely had a chance to make an entrance because Santana immediately ambushed him from behind with an empty shopping cart ramming it into the back of his legs. Ben tried to get back up, but Santana yanked the motion sensor monsters out of their spots on the floor lining the entrance and threw all of them on top of Ben. Just piling them up and adding to the trend of property destruction Tony will have to pay for.

He busts the sickle out of the hands of the grim reaper statue and starts to tee off on Ben as he gets to his feet. Santana doesn’t give a fuck he’s trying to choke Ben out with an electrical chord now that was duct taped to the floor. This is uncomfortable. Santana terrifies the fans throwing them off of their chairs. He sets the chairs up so the seats are touching, But Ben is back up on his feet and throws a fake tombstone at Santana and then bicycle kicks him before quickly powerbombing him onto the seats of the chairs bending them back. Now Ben, the Doorman, takes off towards the ring to look under the ring for…. doors. You bet. He sets the doors up in the corner and looks to see a fucking shopping cart dying his way good lord. Santana pressed the cart over his head and tossed it. It misses, but Santana is in the ring now and the two of them start devolve into a fist fight, then a forearm fight, and to top it all off they’re killing each others brain cells by head butting one another. And I don’t know if you’ve seen their Twitter timelines - they can’t afford to lose anymore brain cells.

Santana swings wildly for another forearm, but Ben hoists him up and drives him through the door.. Ben lifts Santana up and presses him over his head, but Santana rakes his eyes and slips out of the press. Santana Irish whips Ben off the ropes and a regular back body drop lands onto the shopping cart. Time for more bullshit.

Santana goes under the ring and pulls out a black bag. Tony is fucking losing it. He’s trying tk clear everyone out of the way as Santana goes into the ring and dumps the back out and it’s… of course. It’s tacks. Jesus. Santana wasted too much time though, because Ben immediately boots Santana and Hitsna Saito suplex into the tacks. He lifts Santana amd tosses him up over his head with a belly to belly and Santana lands on the cart.

More doors? More doors. Ben sets up a door, Santana goes through it. Ben does this three more times and he just keeps finding doors. With each door Tony standing ringside is speechless. Ben lifts Santana up refusing to even try to end the match by opening the coffin and slamming Santana into the coffin where all the candy is. It’s mostly candy corn we’re pretty sure. It’s not dangerous at all unless you consider candy corn to literally be the AIDS of all candy and then you’re terrified like we are. Ben rolls Santana into the ring and starts asking the fans for their chairs before tossing them in their like projectiles trying to hit Santana. Ben sets each one of them up with the legs up aka upside down and once again lifts Santana up, but it looks like Santana was playing possum. He grabs Bens head in a Muay Thai clinch and starts firing knees to Bens head like a fucking animal. Ben drops down to one knee and Santana doesn’t stop he just keeps throwing knees and the fans are starting to look away because it honestly looks like a prison beating. Santana lifts Ben to his shoulders and now he has a Death Valley driver of his own and he throws Ben and himself onto the chairs and the audience is silent as the two lay there writhing in pain.

Sanrana crawls over to the casket and opens it up revealing that it is actually filled with the worlds worst candy, and some of the candy Santana took from Tony too. Santana grabs a piece of candy and unwraps it - little bit of an odd time for Milky Way but I guess when I’m Rome? Santana almost takes a bite but then he smiles and gets to hit feet lunging at Ben and stabbing him with the Milky Way?! What’s that gunna d- oh my good Ben is ripped wide open?! Santana rips the candy bar apart and reveals a FUCKING RAZOR BLADE?! Where’s the Bembe Brightwell PSA?! SANTANA IS THE REASON FOR ALL PUBLIC SERVICE WARNINGS.

Tony is screaming at Santana to stop it right now, but Santana turns and asks him if he wants a piece of candy so he shuts the fuck Up. Santana curb stomps Be- NO! Ben moves! He gets to his feet and hits a cyclone lariat sending Santana spinning amd flipping in mid air. Ben lifts Santana up in the crucifix powerbomb and aims right for the coffin as he runs across the ring and TOSSES HIM BUT OH GOD HE THREW HIM TOO FAR?! Santana hits the hard floor of the retail store on his back. Ben gets to the outside wiping blood from his eyes and gets Santana to his feet but Santana reaches into coffin and grabs another fucking Milky Way and forces it into Bens mouth before hitting a bicycle knee and throwing ben into the coffin.

S A N T A N A 

Tony is the one who calls for the bell, but there’s no cheers or boos. People are just staring uncomfortably and hiding their children’s eyes. They’re trying to get out of there as soon as possible. Tony looks for help and slides the rack of costumes aside to see if the store manager would help him but…. there’s….. there’s nothing there? No costumes. No people. No store. It’s almost like the Spirit Halloween store just disappeared like it does every year. Leaving Tony to clean up the mess. Ben is sitting up in the coffin, bleeding profusely. Luckily this milky way didn’t have a razor blade in it.