Post by Averie Stardust on Oct 12, 2020 22:44:14 GMT
Much to her dismay, Averie Stardust had quickly discovered that American Blue Cattle were not in fact Blue. The young Czech native stood in the middle of a blustery field, bright blue wellies to match her hair and speckles of dirt flicked as high as her cheekbones, courtesy of the windswept afternoon.
“American Blues are a bred out descendant of the Belgian Blue, now I know what you’re thinking. What in the heck do cows have to do with anything and why have I commandeered Channel 3’s late afternoon segment….”
Averie has a guilty look for a moment, leaning over she cups her hands over the ears of the cow before her, clearing her throat awkwardly.
“Ahem! ‘my food and me.’?”
Averie mouths an apology at the cow, who in reality is yet to even notice her presence. All the same, Averie gives the bovine an affectionate belly rub, like you would a dog.
“Well let me tell you, if you tune into Cheap Pops Pro Wrestling! It’s all going to make sense. See, this bred out cow here is just like my upcoming opponent. Sure, on the surface we kinda look the same. We’re both people, both wrestlers, both wanna do a good job our first night out… But just like Bessie here, Bembe Brightwell is a domestic, inferior version. You know the type, like when you go to Texas Roadhouse and tell yourself the… uh…”
She leans in again to cover the cows ears, her eyes widen a little with a mix of guilt and glee at her own perceived naughtiness. “... steak…” whispering the word so it’s barely audible she straightens up again.
“On your plate is the same quality you’re going to get at a five star restaurant. Sure, it looks the same and at first bite, it may even taste the same. But when you get right down to it? The original, expensive, hand matured and meticulously crafted flavour is always superior.”
Averie steps around the cow, reaching out to scratch between the ears, continuing to treat the large animal as though it’s a domestic pet. For a moment she seems to forget where she is and turns all her attention to the cow. It’s only when a loud moo causes her to jump that she remembers and, looks back to, the camera.
“Annnnnd thanks to Cheap Pops Pro Wrestling! You will all have a chance to see my theory in action. I may be a citizen now, but the blood that runs through my veins comes from a line as strong and proud as the Belgian Blues.” She makes a click sound with her tongue and points to the bright blue hair on her head. “See!”
The wind picks up and she gets a mouthful of the bright blue mop she had been indicating to. A couple of hand flaps and her mouth was hair free.
“Plus there’s a whole host of other awesome matches to enjoy. I’d really like to be all cocky and say that mines the best but honestly? Okay yeah so maybe it’ll be up there but ALL of the matches look cool. So come watch. I mean it. Be there! … And thanks to Channel 3 for letting me by a guest anchor. Cows are pretty cool and deserve as much air time as I can get them.
Maybe I’ll even come to the ring on a cow? Probably not, but that would be pretty cool!”
Averie takes a moment to look back at the cow, as if she’s sizing them up for a possible entrance plan. Her tongue sticks out the edge of her mouth as she creates little L’s with her fingers to try and size things up in her mind. Eventually she shakes her head and turns back to the camera with a wide grin.
“People look at me and they see a cute little thing, just like they look at a cow and see a sweet harmless creature. But that’s your first mistake. Cows are killers after all, with an average of FOUR cattle related deaths a year being recorded! So Bembe? Don’t let the sweet smiles fool you…
Be ready for MOO-der!”
Averie clearly finds her little joke hilarious. It takes her a little while to actually catch her breath.
“Oh and THANKS Channel Three for having me! Back to you guys in the studio!”
Averie claps her hands together in excitement and hops on the spot. “I’ve ALWAYS wanted to say that!!”
“American Blues are a bred out descendant of the Belgian Blue, now I know what you’re thinking. What in the heck do cows have to do with anything and why have I commandeered Channel 3’s late afternoon segment….”
Averie has a guilty look for a moment, leaning over she cups her hands over the ears of the cow before her, clearing her throat awkwardly.
“Ahem! ‘my food and me.’?”
Averie mouths an apology at the cow, who in reality is yet to even notice her presence. All the same, Averie gives the bovine an affectionate belly rub, like you would a dog.
“Well let me tell you, if you tune into Cheap Pops Pro Wrestling! It’s all going to make sense. See, this bred out cow here is just like my upcoming opponent. Sure, on the surface we kinda look the same. We’re both people, both wrestlers, both wanna do a good job our first night out… But just like Bessie here, Bembe Brightwell is a domestic, inferior version. You know the type, like when you go to Texas Roadhouse and tell yourself the… uh…”
She leans in again to cover the cows ears, her eyes widen a little with a mix of guilt and glee at her own perceived naughtiness. “... steak…” whispering the word so it’s barely audible she straightens up again.
“On your plate is the same quality you’re going to get at a five star restaurant. Sure, it looks the same and at first bite, it may even taste the same. But when you get right down to it? The original, expensive, hand matured and meticulously crafted flavour is always superior.”
Averie steps around the cow, reaching out to scratch between the ears, continuing to treat the large animal as though it’s a domestic pet. For a moment she seems to forget where she is and turns all her attention to the cow. It’s only when a loud moo causes her to jump that she remembers and, looks back to, the camera.
“Annnnnd thanks to Cheap Pops Pro Wrestling! You will all have a chance to see my theory in action. I may be a citizen now, but the blood that runs through my veins comes from a line as strong and proud as the Belgian Blues.” She makes a click sound with her tongue and points to the bright blue hair on her head. “See!”
The wind picks up and she gets a mouthful of the bright blue mop she had been indicating to. A couple of hand flaps and her mouth was hair free.
“Plus there’s a whole host of other awesome matches to enjoy. I’d really like to be all cocky and say that mines the best but honestly? Okay yeah so maybe it’ll be up there but ALL of the matches look cool. So come watch. I mean it. Be there! … And thanks to Channel 3 for letting me by a guest anchor. Cows are pretty cool and deserve as much air time as I can get them.
Maybe I’ll even come to the ring on a cow? Probably not, but that would be pretty cool!”
Averie takes a moment to look back at the cow, as if she’s sizing them up for a possible entrance plan. Her tongue sticks out the edge of her mouth as she creates little L’s with her fingers to try and size things up in her mind. Eventually she shakes her head and turns back to the camera with a wide grin.
“People look at me and they see a cute little thing, just like they look at a cow and see a sweet harmless creature. But that’s your first mistake. Cows are killers after all, with an average of FOUR cattle related deaths a year being recorded! So Bembe? Don’t let the sweet smiles fool you…
Be ready for MOO-der!”
Averie clearly finds her little joke hilarious. It takes her a little while to actually catch her breath.
“Oh and THANKS Channel Three for having me! Back to you guys in the studio!”
Averie claps her hands together in excitement and hops on the spot. “I’ve ALWAYS wanted to say that!!”